awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
