today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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