I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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