wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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