just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
