I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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