Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
