OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
