The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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