So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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