I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
