Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
