Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
