Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
