My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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