his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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