even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I smell like Dick and happiness
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
