may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
