Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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