I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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