Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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