this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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