Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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