i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
