im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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