I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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