I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
