I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
