i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
