just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
