he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
