He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Holy sore nipples Batman
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
