i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
