I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
