we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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