I like my sex mixed with concussions.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
