I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
