Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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