no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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