you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
