i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
