why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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