You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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