Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
this is an emotional support booty call
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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