she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
