I need help removing her.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
