having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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