Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
