2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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