Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
